In
the 1950's, when I was in my twenties, more and more people flocked to
church, despite the government’s efforts to crush
Christianity. In fact, more than three thousand members crowded into our
house of prayer on Sunday mornings, and people had to
stand in the aisles and in the entryway. There was a great hunger to
hear the Gospel.
The
government agents tried their best to discourage the believers. Throughout
Russia, they confiscated church buildings and closed them. More than
one building was locked and the doors sealed with a government seal. Anyone
removing the seal was under penalty of the law.
The
reasons for closing the buildings were absurd. “Not enough people attend
this service,” was one excuse. They would say this even if there were
several hundred people attending. Or, if a pastor had been arrested, they
would declare, “There is no leader in this area.” That too was false, for
every time a leader was arrested, another man from the congregation stepped
forward to take his place.
But
my mother continued to remind us, as she had been faithful to do since our
youth, that the gates of hell would not prevail against the body of
believers. 78
A Heavy Burden
“Kostya,
what is wrong?” I cornered my friend in the hall after a youth gathering.
The rest of the group were leaving the apartment where we had held Bible
study. My friend did not say anything immediately. He dropped his head.
I
waited. I had known Kostya since we had attended school together in our
boyhood. I had been delighted to find him again after the war. During this
perplexing time, Kostya and I shared many of the same convictions. God was
doing a great work in our hearts as we prayed and sought His will.
“Mikhail, I carry a heavy weight in my heart.” Kostya’s voice was dull, and
I plainly heard the hopelessness weighing down his spirit.
“What is it, my brother? You know how the Spirit of God is freeing us from
sin and the chains of darkness. Can you not tell the Lord all about it?”
With
a sigh, Kostya said, “It is a long story. Let’s sit down.”
Everyone else had left. We sat down on some stools.
“It
all began during that terrible, terrible famine during the siege. I know
you understand when I speak about the gnawing hunger that plagued us
day and night for months.”
I
nodded my head. Yes, how well I did remember!
“I
was ten years old and I was going home on the tram. Right in front of me was
a girl my age, all bundled up against the cold. She must have been reaching
for something inside her coat, and when she drew her gloves on again, her
bread ration cards fell into my
arms.
“Almost without thinking, I slipped the cards into my coat sleeves and hid
them. She had not missed them yet. But then the tram stopped, and she
started to get off. With a cry of horror, she stopped. ‘I lost my ration
cards!’”
As
Kostya said these words, his voice choked and he could not speak. I waited,
silently praying for my friend.
With
red-rimmed eyes, he continued. “She began to cry and begged, ‘Oh, help me
look for my ration cards! I must have them back again!’
“Immediately the people around us began to help her look. I pretended to
help look too. We searched the floor of the tram and people moved so we
could look under their boots. Of course, we did not find them.
“The
driver finally said, ‘We have to go; we cannot look for them any longer.’
“With a cry like a wounded animal, the girl stepped off the tram. With all
my heart I wished I could give her the cards now, but I was afraid of the
people around me. I could not think how to get out of my dilemma.
“Now, one scene keeps haunting me day after day and comes to me in my
dreams at night. I see the face of that girl, looking after us as the tram
left her stop. It is as though her eyes are branded into my memory! Oh,
Mikhail, how can I get rid of this heavy, heavy burden? How can I find her
and ask her forgiveness?”
My
heart, too, was moved with pity for the girl. I knew the ration cards
were all that stood between starvation and life during those years. I,
too, groaned with the enormity of my friend’s deed.
“I
went home with those cards, Mikhail. I told my mother that I had found them.
It was as though my hunger had made me a monster, first stealing the cards
and then lying to my mother. I wanted that extra bread so much! “Mama looked
at the cards in my hands and then she began to cry. I can still see the
tears spilling out of her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.
“‘Oh, Kostya, how terrible! These cards are for five people. Oh, please,
Lord, have mercy on them! They will surely starve!’ “She fell to her knees
and began to pray, asking God to have mercy on the poor people who lost
their cards. This all happened in the beginning of the month, and she knew
that there would be no new cards until the next month.
“You
know, every day for that month, my mother knelt and asked God to have mercy
on the family that was going without bread. I
was in a terrible state of mind. I liked having the extra bread, and yet,
during Mama’s prayers, I always felt this horrible sense of doom over me.
Her words are still seared into my memory.
“Since God has begun working a deep work in my heart, I have felt the
enormity of my sin weigh me down. My mother is dead and I cannot confess my
deed to her. Oh, Mikhail, what shall I do?” He buried his head in his hands
and wept. “Oh, if I could only find that
girl. Is she still alive? Did she die of starvation?” The questions came out
wildly from his deep distress. “Will her face haunt me the
rest of my days? Oh, Lord, help me!”
I knelt beside my friend and placed my hand on his shoulder. “Kostya, let us
ask God for direction. I do not know what the answer is, but I know that He
has promised to forgive our sins. ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins and
to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ I claim that promise for myself and
also for you.”
We
prayed together. Kostya pled with God for deliverance from his guilt.
“I
will fast and pray with you for three days,” I told my friend as he cried
out in anguish. “We will bring this burden to the Lord and
He will direct you.”
For
the next three days, we fasted. When we met again, his face looked wan, but
he was able to smile.
“I
know that God has forgiven me, Mikhail. I feel His love in my heart. Even
though I do not know if I can ever make it right with the
girl, I do know that God has forgiven my sin.”
The
next week, Kostya came to me. “Guess what! I had a dream, and again I saw
the face of the girl. This time, as I looked through
the tram window, instead of looking at me with despairing eyes filled with
tears, she smiled and waved at me! It is a sign, Mikhail. A sign from God in
my dream that I am forgiven!
“Oh,
how I need to walk in the Spirit, that I would never again do anything that
would grieve my Saviour! Thank you, Lord!”
God
was working among us. We were not just trying to hide from the authorities,
skulking around in fear. No! We were being
visited by the presence of God as we opened our hearts and lives to Him. We
were having a revival. The work of the church was moving ahead. (pages
82-85)
“And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My
disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not
sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish
it...."
Luke
14:27-28
"Whom
have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm
73:25-26
"For our light
affliction, which is but for a moment [in light of eternity], is working for us a far
more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look
at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not
seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the
things which are not seen are eternal."
2
Corinthians 4:16-18
|
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Home Preparing for
Persecution
“My sheep hear My
voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give
them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall
anyone snatch them out of My hand."
John 10:27-28
"...he is a chosen
vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the
children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must
suffer for My name’s sake.”
Acts 9:14-16
"Woe to
those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for
light, and light for darkness.... Woe to those who are wise in their
own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!" Isaiah 5:20-21
"I now send you,
to open
their eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from
the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and
an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me.'"
Acts 26:17-18
"...if it is of God, you cannot overthrow it—lest you even be
found to fight against God.” Acts 5:39
...whoever does not bear his cross
and come after Me cannot be My disciple.
For which of you, intending to build a tower,
does not sit down first and count the cost,
whether he has enough to finish it."
Luke 14:27-28
"As
the Father has sent Me, I also send you.”
John
20:21
“My sheep hear My
voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give
them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall
anyone snatch them out of My hand."
John 10:27-28
"...he is a chosen
vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the
children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must
suffer for My name’s sake.”
Acts 9:14-16
"Woe to
those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for
light, and light for darkness.... Woe to those who are wise in their
own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!" Isaiah 5:20-21
"...if it is of God, you cannot overthrow it—lest you even be
found to fight against God.” Acts 5:39
...whoever does not bear his cross
and come after Me cannot be My disciple.
For which of you, intending to build a tower,
does not sit down first and count the cost,
whether he has enough to finish it."
Luke 14:27-28
73
